fairly possessive or possessively fair?

My friend introduced me to this guy when we were in sophomore in high school. He was okay, we have occasional exchange of messages during that time and I just considered him as a guy friend. But when we were in junior and senior high, we lost our communication. Then, social networking sites were born, Friendster was one. It was there where we got to keep in touch again but it didn’t last long. I was a 1st year student and had a boyfriend that time, so I was preoccupied with school and my boyfriend(now,ex). A year passed, the guy made the effort to reconnect. He asked for my number and we had this casual friendship thing through text messages. The guy is sending some signals about his feelings for me. I ignored him of course, I was focused on my boyfriend.

When my boyfriend and I had our problems during the second year of relationship, we broke up.My boyfriend had a new relationship, and I was still hoping. I was hoping but also determined to move on. The guy came to the rescue, he cheered me up. We are from different towns, he lives two hours away from our place but still, he visited me often. The guy was also student and had strict parents so he will escape just to see me. I tried to like him, I really did try but something in me isn’t ready for change. Every time the guy and I would go out, I secretly wished it was my boyfriend I was with. (I know, it was unfair)

Then, my boyfriend wanted us back together and of course, I took him back. I was really in love with him and ready to forgive him no matter what. I told the guy about it. He was okay with it he said, though I know his heart was breaking but I was too blind to care.

A year passed. My boyfriend and I finally decided to end our miserable relationship. I was free but broken. I went out a lot, trying to forget my ex. After a few months, I’ve met some guys whose statuses were complicated so no relationship truly existed.

The guy asked how I was doing and if I’m still with my boyfriend. I told him I was not okay and that I’m not with my boyfriend anymore. He told me, he’ll help me get over and I told him honestly that I don’t think I’m ready but I want to try. He still said he’s willing to bet on my unstable emotions. And so the guy became my boyfriend…but only for two weeks. I still had some issues within to deal with. I’ve hurt the guy. Again.

What amazes me, he never did get mad at me. He would still say ‘hello’ every now and then, when he sees I’m online. I would reply a few times and then ignore him. I felt like he was never getting tired of me but I was too drown with my personal fight to move on about my past 3-year relationship.

Then the guy seems to care less lately. It was only the time I missed him. I started to came up with reasons why he isn’t the same anymore ( maybe he has a new girl, maybe he’s busy at school or maybe he’s just over me) So I made an effort asking how he was, then I found out he still has no girlfriend and he’s just busy with his studies. And now, we’re again in touch.

 I’m now aware how nice and understanding he really is. I also know that he deserves better treatment from me.


We will be going out this Friday. I don’t know if I’ll be doing this because I want to give him another chance since I didn’t give him a fair fight back then. Or I’m just the possessive and selfish type, who wants this guy not to get over me.

What do you think about me? Have you been in the same situation?


6 responses to “fairly possessive or possessively fair?

  1. wow… i think before going on this date you owe it to yourself and specially to him to figure out what this is… are you willing to hurt him a 3rd time just to keep your ego happy? Make sure your feelings are true and that you’re not going to stomp on his heart again.. Otherwise he’ll stop being friends with you.. There’s only so much one man can take… good luck.. i hope you find out that you really do like him and it blossoms into a healthy relationship… but only u can make that decision… you may want a good relationship but not with him… don’t use him just cuz no one else is available… its easy for all of us to fall prey in this scenario. i’ve been guilty of this once. good luck… think think think…before you go on this date you might also want to let him know how guilty you feel for doing this to him whether u do decide to start a relationship with him or not.  =)

  2. @gweirdo – thanks for the advice. yes, i will really really think about it. i think i’m kinda guilty with using him cuz no one else is available. =( but there’s something in me too, that urges me to go for him for i know with him i will be well taken care of and loved. i know he won’t hurt me, he’s like the safe place for me. and as for my feelings, they say that ‘you can teach your heart who to love’ —i’m thinking on betting on that idea. i’m just tired getting hurt over and over again.(this is selfish, i’ve hurt him twice already.) this is my dilemma.

  3. i honestly think that in your mind it was ok to do,but in reality you were just using him as a safety line. you were nice to him and wanted him to be there as a backup, and you even wished it was your ex. thats about as low as it gets. Im thinking that even if he is a nice guy, you sure as hell dont deserve another chance with him because he is better than that. if thinks do go through, you better treat him right. then again karma’s a bitch, and if you end up getting screwed in the end, should you really ask why??reality is harsh

  4. @koreansoul09 – Thanks for the point-of-view from reality.Yes, before I wished he was my ex, but I really regret that now. I am determine to give him the fair shot he truly deserves. I know he doesn’t deserve a jerk like me. And as @gweirdo said, I told the guy about how I feel about  us going out again, but he’s just the laid-back type who’ll just say ‘we’ll see’.. I hope this time, I’ll be the girl he truly deserves or at least be a better person.Oh btw, we’ll be going out tomorrow instead of today.

  5. @hazey_chique – good then if that is the case perhaps things will become right aS time goes along, if it is meant to be then it will come to you both. the only way to become a better person that you feel he deserves is to better who you are inside and out. change is something that happens to people HOWEVER the only person who can makesomeone change is themselves. Life is too short, to not try and become a better person…perhaps you will accomplish thisreality is harsh, however fate is for us to decide

  6. @koreansoul09 – Thank you very much for your insight. I hope fate is on my side for things to work out the way I want them to be.

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