March 18, 2013
I’ll be channeling my inner ‘Charlie’ (Perks of being a Wallflower). I’ll try to write to his ‘Friend’ who listens and understands and didn’t try to sleep with that person at that party even though he/she could have.
I am writing to tell you how my day went today. I just don’t know how to share this with other people. I think it’s much easier this way. I get to express what I feel without thinking too much of gestures, facial expression and I can avoid eye contact. ( I don’t know, I just feel uncomfortable looking people in the eye while I disclose my innermost feelings) I’m not the mysterious type of person, I just prefer writing.
Okay, so here’s the thing, most of my friends from work are leaving. Some will work in other companies, and some will just go on their way with their reasons. It makes me really sad knowing that our days together are numbered but I know I can’t do anything about it.I could only accept the fact that they’re leaving and I could only hope that things were different—that they didn’t have to go. I can’t tell them how I really feel because I know it will ruin things. Like tonight, I was chilling with two of my friends at our chill spot in the office after work while listening to our favorite band. I told them while one of our most loved song was playing that it was probably the song that brought us all together—the song that started our crazy friendship. We were singing our hearts out, and for a few silent seconds I realized that I will truly miss them I’ve realized that the sad part is really near. I don’t really like goodbyes. I’m bad at goodbyes. While I was sitting there, I wanted to tell them that I will really miss them. I wanted to tell them that for the past few months we’ve known each other, they sort of become like family and knowing that they’re leaving makes me feel that I’m losing the family I’ve cherished for those few months. I wanted to tell them all of these but I’m afraid that my tears will win over me so I held back. I couldn’t even look them in the eye as we sat there silently. I just felt that when they catch a glimpse of my eyes, I’ll breakdown right there. Yes, I was afraid my eyes would betray and destroy the facade I’ve carefully built.
I’m sad that they are leaving but at the same time I’m happy that they are slowly making their dreams come true.So I’m sad and happy at the same time, I don’t know if that makes sense but that’s how I really feel right now. All I can do now is take a deep breath, and savor the few weeks remaining that I’ll be with their company. I guess I should stop writing now, I don’t want to cry. I don’t want to cry because I don’t want them to remember me with tears, I want them to remember me with a smile on my face—a smile that somehow they are responsible for.
P.S: I even made a playlist for them. I hope you can listen to it here.