Dear Friend

March 18, 2013

9:51PM

 

I’ll be channeling my inner ‘Charlie’ (Perks of being a Wallflower). I’ll try to write to his ‘Friend’ who listens and understands and didn’t try to sleep with that person at that party even though he/she could have.

 

Dear Friend,

I am writing to tell you how my day went today. I just don’t know how to share this with other people. I think it’s much easier this way. I get to express what I feel without thinking too much of gestures, facial expression and I can avoid eye contact. ( I don’t know, I just feel uncomfortable looking people in the eye while I disclose my innermost feelings) I’m not the mysterious type of person, I just prefer writing.

 

Okay, so here’s the thing, most of my friends from work are leaving. Some will work in other companies, and some will just go on their way with their reasons. It makes me really sad knowing that our days together are numbered but I know I can’t do anything about it.I could only accept the fact that they’re leaving and I could only hope that things were different—that they didn’t have to go. I can’t tell them how I really feel because I know it will ruin things. Like tonight, I was chilling with two of my friends at our chill spot in the office after work while listening to our favorite band. I told them while one of our most loved song was playing that it was probably the song that brought us all together—the song that started our crazy friendship. We were singing our hearts out, and for a few silent seconds I realized that I will truly miss them I’ve realized that the sad part is really near. I don’t really like goodbyes. I’m bad at goodbyes. While I was sitting there, I wanted to tell them that I will really miss them. I wanted to tell them that for the past few months we’ve known each other, they sort of become like family and knowing that they’re leaving makes me feel that I’m losing the family I’ve cherished for those few months. I wanted to tell them all of these but I’m afraid that my tears will win over me so I held back. I couldn’t even look them in the eye as we sat there silently. I just felt that when they catch a glimpse of my eyes, I’ll breakdown right there. Yes, I was afraid my eyes would betray and destroy the facade I’ve carefully built.

 

I’m sad that they are leaving but at the same time I’m happy that they are slowly making their dreams come true.So I’m sad and happy at the same time, I don’t know if that makes sense but that’s how I really feel right now. All I can do now is take a deep breath, and savor the few weeks remaining that I’ll be with their company. I guess I should stop writing now, I don’t want to cry. I don’t want to cry because I don’t want them to remember me with tears, I want them to remember me with a smile on my face—a smile that somehow they are responsible for.

 

P.S: I even made a playlist for them. I hope you can listen to it here.

 

Love always,

Hazey

10 years from now?

I was with my friends last night. It’s been a while since our last hang out. The gang wasn’t complete but it was still fun. We went to our friend’s house for some drinks and karaoke. Singing our hearts out in every song that played—songs which mostly revolve around being heartbroken and all. When someone is singing a sad song, we would tease her about her ex and made fun of lyrics. We were being sentimental and goofy at the same time.

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I was smiling as I watch them goof around, and the idea of the future came across my mind. ’10 years from now, would it still be like this?’ and ‘Will the ‘single ladies'(2 of my friend and I) be married by that time?’

I hope we still would be friends…and yeah, hopefully be happily married by that time. =)

will i carry this burden again?

I was awaken by a phone call just a few minutes ago from a person I did not expect to call me. It was a friend on the other line, oh I meant, someone who USED to be my friend.

MP used to be my closest friend, we’re like sisters. We have the same interest, fashion, boys and books. But something happened last year that totally changed everything. MP had a dream which she did not get and she indirectly blamed it on me. She was so insensitive about it, I chose to walk away because I don’t want to be punched in the face with her overly-coated accusations. Was I a coward or not understanding? I think not. I have been trying hard to keep her in my life even though sometimes, I feel that she’s a burden for me. And I think, that’s not what how friends should think about each other. I got tired of stretching my patience,and understanding for her. I don’t like her pride and selfishness that’s eating her up.

So since July of last year, I don’t talk to her. It was hard during that time because she was my classmate on one of my major subjects and we often would see each other on the corridors. But as time passed, I got used to not having her as my friend. MP had some issues of some of more of our friends. I remember one of our friends said, “I envy you because you’re already finished with the MP phase, unlike us we are being preyed on by MP as if I’m not her friend.”

And I truly am happy not being friends with her, though, sometimes I miss having a friend to go shopping or go to the movies with. Good thing, I still have my friends during my high school years who kept me sane for this past year.

Anyway, so MP called, she wants us to meet up later. I don’t know what to expect. I don’t know what will happen. I don’t even know what to say to her. She did said mean things about me but I also value our friendship.

=( *sighs*

i love my friends

I have this group of friends which I’ve made during my high school days. After almost 5 years since high school days, we’re still together. And since last year, we really try to find time for our bonding time may it be eating our favorite snack from our Alma Mater or partying ’til dawn.

I’m really happy having them around because they always make my day. I also love the fact that when we party, we really have fun since we can be our own self. No hesitations, no shyness, just plain FUN!!!

We may have different personalities but when we’re together, we just blend in harmoniously. We compliment each others’ strengths and weaknesses. Some of us have that strong personality and others just have the ‘not-so-strong’ but all of that doesn’t matter when we are together because our friendship’s far beyond the personality for it is rooted with love.

I feel like they’re my siblings who’ll always be there for me.

 I do know, someday we might go our own separate ways but in my heart I know I’ll always have my ‘sister/brother friends’ with me, despite the distance and the time.

I hope we’ll be friends ’til we have our grandchildren partying like we did.


Which is the bad choice?

 

I’ve been an unproductive and useless person for the past few weeks. I want to go out and have fun but my friends are all busy and I should be doing my school requirements too. I’ve been spending most of my waking hours on the internet, so I’m not that productive. My addiction right now is Chatting. I just need someone to talk to, especially about these feeling of emptiness and being lost.

I don’t know who should I turn to. First option, my best friend,who also happens to be my ex and probably one of the reason why I have this empty feeling. Second option, my friends, who are great but I can’t seem to find the courage to tell them how I really feel right now and I’m too shy to be weak in front of them.

So which is the bad choice?