Just a post.

Here’s a post to clear my head before I start off my weekend work. Sometimes, we need to unload our baggage to move forward. Sometimes, we think that we are okay, and that we don’t have stuff that bother us. But, in reality, they do bother us, maybe subconsciously at least.

Most of the time, in order to figure it out, we need to stop and reassess ourselves to be familiar with the inner struggles or the developing storms within us.

Recently, it’s different with me as I have been distracted with the noises of the world that hindered me from hearing what’s within. I felt fine these past months, but not until recently when I noticed that I seem to be a stranger in my own skin.

It’s only now that I realized, I’m actually bothered by a lot of stuff. Like this bad habit, I’ve been accustomed to which is really bad for health but I seem to enjoy. This too much nonsensical stuff I spend most of my time. That cold shoulder I’ve developed to writing…to self-improvement and to knowledge.

Burnt out. That’s my excuse. I want to justify my reckless actions and decisions with it but deep inside I know, it’s not. I’m ashamed to admit to myself that I’ve become irresponsible and weak. I’ve let myself get into this mess.

I want to get it right and I think by writing this, it will be my tangible push for that change to happen.

I need to change. I need to improve.I must improve.I must say goodbye to old unproductive habits. I must never let myself go down that road again.

Changes.

They say the only thing constant in this world is CHANGE. I believe it, but I prefer that positive kind of change. Lately, I’ve undergone some changes, from the simplest to the mind-boggling-heart-stopping change (well, at least for my standards). Lifestyle. Looks. Perception. Feelings(?).  These changes that have occurred are not necessarily that type of change that I prefer, and I’m ashamed about some of it. I am ashamed for I allowed myself to be swayed into that direction of change.

So, I have resolved to myself that I will try to change those changes that I have control of and to at least minimize the effects of unintended consequences of my actions and decisions. 

 

A step back will take you two steps forward.

I had this conversation with my friend the other night, she told me that I should step back from all these chaos that’s happening in my life. She told me that it was okay to retreat one in a while, just to clear my head and regain my strength. I had thought things over since that talk with my friend, I think…she’s right.

I really do need to take a step back so I can clear my head and also be able to look at the big picture. I need to have a DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE of things, so I could save myself from losing hope because of what I’m experiencing right now. If I were to describe where I am right now, it’s like being right in front of a wall and pushing my way against it, I see that plain flawless hard wall, I feel the cold emanating that wall. So I guess stepping back means getting a better view of that wall and being able to spot that tiny little hole where I can peek through and see the light from the other side of that wall. If I won’t be able to spot that hole, at least I have saved my energy and maybe I could just pray that the wall just disappear one day.

 

I am willing. I will take that one step back. I am hopeful. I believe that it will take me two steps forward.